I remember the day as if it was yesterday. I was sitting on the couch with the television on watching some type of nonsense. I was battling my insecurities with my weight after just eating a huge bowl of pasta and was basically paralyzed from fullness. I just got home from “work”, where I basically wasted the day texting, surfing the internet, and people watching outside of my office while feeling completely unmotivated but content I was getting a paycheck. I looked at pictures of my son and realized that I was more focused on having fun and being lazy and selfish than I was being a father. Of course I portrayed the image of a confident and happy person to friends and family despite dying inside. I felt useless. I felt like a waste of space. My days had no purpose and I lacked any vision for the future. I was so content doing nothing.
It was in that moment, arguably the lowest moment in my life, that I realized I needed to wake up. I realized that my life had to have a greater purpose than what it was. All the blessings I had were taken for granted and so much time was wasted that it was embarrassing. It was in that moment that I felt I needed to shed the skin I was in and start new. I needed to embrace my situation and use it as an opportunity to grow, as painful as that process was for me. It was in that moment that I woke up and realized that I wasted enough time. It was in that moment that I acknowledged that I reached rock bottom mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. It was in that moment that I got mad at my situation and made a plan to change it. Sadly, my situation only got worse from there as I was in the middle of a downward spiral. The only thing that saved me was hope and faith in my decision to change.
The next few months following that day were difficult but necessary. I knew the first thing I needed to do which would ultimately save me on other levels was to discover my true purpose. I decided to leave my dead end job and move on to a greater project that required so much more of my energy and attention. I also decided to do something that was a first in my family- become an entrepreneur. I wanted to take the many blessings I had that went unrecognized and share it with young people in an effort to motivate and empower them. My days went from a useless 9 to 5 to a fulfilling 9 to 5 and then a 5 to 9 planning and growing my business and my future. My weekends went from sitting on the couch watching television to spending time with my son and mapping out where I wanted to be in one, five and ten years. I was finally able to look at myself in the mirror without feeling ashamed and embarrassed. The confidence and happiness I portrayed was no longer fake. I was coming into who I was meant to be and I loved it.
As I continue to grow and achieve new levels of success, I look back at that moment with incredible gratitude. I am thankful for all of those experiences. I took my failures and used them as fuel to achieve successes. If I never reached and acknowledged rock bottom I would have never grown. In order to truly grow as a person it is necessary to be sick and tired of being sick and tired of your position. You must grow a hatred for your circumstances in order to make a plan to grow out of them. You cannot allow yourself to want more for yourself and not be willing to put in the time and energy to make a change.
Achieving failure is not the moment to quit. It is not meant to defeat you. It serves as a wake-up call. It serves as an opportunity to overcome the obstacle that is laid before you. It provides you with an opportunity to grow stronger on multiple levels. But the only way to overcome a difficult set of circumstances is to grow a desire to change those circumstances that is significantly stronger than any of the negative aspects of the circumstances itself. You have to get mad. You have to get sick and tired. You cannot allow anyone else to be more concerned about you or your circumstances than you are.
It is only in desiring and needing change, and making a plan to change, that change can truly happen. Anything else is just talk.