I am constantly seeking sources of inspiration and motivation to power myself towards my goals and dreams. One of my favorite sources is found in quotes. Books, magazines, movies, songs- it really doesn’t matter. I am always on the lookout for quotes that not only inspire me but that I can also share with others. It was with this mentality that I was visiting a community based organization and came across a truly insightful and powerful quote. The quote is of an African proverb and it states the following-
“When there are no enemies within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.”
This proverb truly affected me on several levels. From a personal standpoint as well as from the standpoint of someone who regularly interacts with adults and youth struggling to discover the right path, this proverb was truly amazing.
I am a strong believer that the greatest enemy to the fulfillment of dreams or goals is self-doubt, low self-esteem and a lack of self-worth. Key to these elements is one critical aspect- SELF. We, and this absolutely includes me, do more to hurt ourselves than anyone outside truly does. Through this lack of appreciation of ourselves we tend to place obstacles and excuses before us to prevent and divert us from the path we ultimately want to take. Oddly enough, there are countless people already waiting to get in the way of or distract us from our dreams. Yet we often do more to help them rather than look out for ourselves when we engage in self-destructive behavior. We are often our own worst enemy. By doing so, we make ourselves even more vulnerable to the enemies around us.
Our sources of self-doubt, low self-esteem and lack of self-worth range based on who you speak with. It can be experiences of failure, being repeatedly told by people we love and trust that we are worthless, or just never learning how to love ourselves more than anyone else can. For me, my experiences revolve around when I was a child. In elementary and middle school I was severely bullied. I was short and overweight so the endless barrage of fat jokes became a normal part of school. My parents focused more on my education than on my fashion so the teasing about everything from my clothes to my shoes were relentless. Several boys in my homeroom class nicknamed Fridays as “Beat up Richard Day” and would wait for me in the backyard to push, kick and tease me as I made my way home. Needless to say, this took a tremendous toll on the image I had of myself. I never felt like I deserved to be treated nicely. When someone treated me nicely I often felt it was a set-up to insult me. If a girl complimented me I thought it was a cruel joke. I looked in the mirror on a daily basis and hated every aspect of who I was. Some twenty-plus years later, many of those feelings continue to linger and affect me, especially as a professional.
The enemy within had me doubting myself and my abilities at every step. Despite receiving awards, recognition, and praise, I was always skeptical. My self-doubt, low self-esteem and lack of self-worth had me constantly feeling inadequate. It was not until two years ago that I finally came into who I am and realized my true value. I stopped questioning recognition for my work and started understanding that I deserved it. I stopped wondering why opportunities presented themselves to me and instead realized that I earned them. I stopped feeling ashamed or embarrassed to ask for just compensation for my services because I knew I was worth it and more. I systematically identified, addressed and defeated many of the enemies that lay within me. Today, I know that when I am focused, determined, and motivated there is not a single person or single thing that can stop me other than me. Rather than cower from fear of attack, today I march with confidence, shield and sword in hand, towards those things that once instilled fear in me and I attack. Once I stopped the enemies within, there was no chance for enemies outside to get in my way.
The enemies within must be identified, addressed and defeated. I have heard too many times that a person stopped dreaming, stopped trying, stopped striving due to self-sabotage. I have heard too many times that a person, who was weak from the constant attacks from the enemy within, fall prey to the enemies outside that take many shapes and forms. I have seen and felt too many times that a person loves others way more than they love themselves. I have met too many people that I admired and respected only to find out that they did not even know or identify their own self-worth.
I cannot share with you what steps must be taken to work through this, as I do not have the adequate training or education to do so. Rather, I can share what worked for me. The first step was identifying the source of all of my self-doubt, low self-esteem and lack of self-worth. Once I was able to do so, and truly understood the power it had over me and how it adversely affected me on so many levels, I demanded and expected change. This came through a very difficult journey of self-reflection as well as many therapy sessions, which I am not embarrassed nor ashamed to share. Then came what may be the hardest part- truly believing in myself. Reminding myself daily of who I have become, what I am worth, what I have accomplished as well as what I will accomplish next. While this is a life-long process, I have experienced tremendous growth emotionally and have become the lion I am today as a result.
You are worthy of praise. You are worthy of recognition. Your time and energy is worthy of respect. You are capable. You are powerful. You can achieve anything you set your mind to. You will no longer allow anyone else to control your worth. You will no longer allow anyone else to dictate your value. You will embrace all of the rewards for your hard work as someone who knows you deserve it. You will no longer allow anyone else to love you more than you love you!
When the enemies within are defeated, there is no one that can stop you!